Reasons to smile

I had a really lovely appointment with my midwife today. She could tell something was amiss with me, and in her usual style got to the bottom of it really quick. I told her how I'd been having the constant mild contractions for a week, and how tired I was. I ended up sobbing while she provided tissues and a sympathetic ear. (Reason #4,509 midwives ROCK)

She gave me some good advice, along with some red raspberry leaf tea, and some herbal tinctures to help with my cramping.

Now I've decided I need to think of all the GOOD in my life, because I seem to keep dwelling on the bad.

I'm so grateful for my daughter. Though she drives me nutty, and makes me crazy, she also makes me laugh, and smile. She lets me know that babies DO come, and they grow and that time makes fools of us all.

She's bright, funny, independent and inquisitive. I'm so, so grateful for her in my life. Glad I get to be her mom forever.

 I'm so blessed to have my mom. She is such a wonderful woman, strong and determined. She's taught me that I can get through any trial, no matter how bad it seems. No matter how low I feel, it will get better.  So why a picture of a freezer? Because what my mom knows better than anything is when someone is exhausted, tired, and at their breaking point... they don't cook. So she's been cooking her wonderful, healing food. This freezer is full of homemade chili, chicken soup, and a little treat for me... freezer pizza :) Food and love. My mom knows both so very well!

I am grateful for the midwives I've been so blessed to meet during this journey. This is a picture of the red raspberry leaf tea Briana sent me home with (she gave me her whole jar!) These wise and intuitive women have always been able to tell when I'm in crisis, and have helped buoy me up when I needed it. I think about how this journey would be different had we gone with a traditional doctor, and I know that God lead me to the midwives. The universe knew I would need more support than I knew... that I'd be at the end of this journey and be on my own, raising my daughter and in need of some wonderfully wise women who would tell me I could keep going.

I know that everything that happens changes us, makes us grow. I'm learning so much about myself and my soul during this journey. I'm learning that I have untapped strength. That I deserve happiness, and I can give it to myself. That being alone isn't always lonely. And that, as Briana so wisely told me today, I am simply an organism of this earth, that the rules of time and tide apply to me as well. That is a comforting thought. No matter what, I will keep going, I will keep growing and changing.

Take a deep breath, stop focusing on the future and live in the now. I can do this.