I can

Monday, January 24, 2011

Whenever I forget how strong I am... I just remember where I've been. I did something amazing. I can do anything.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I was talking to a good friend of mine last night, and came upon a realization, that made me stop, think and reevaluate. I have discovered that I have spent many of the past years running on a quarter of a tank. This is the first time, in a very long time I've been anywhere close to full, and it's because of the people I am keeping around me.

I have discovered that many people in my life, friends, boyfriends, husbands, coworkers, they take what they need from me, and then don't really give back. That they know I'm kind, giving and helpful, and take advantage of that. My cup is never full, because I'm busy filling others.

By separating from those people, I've finally started to fill up again. And it feels amazing. No more people coming into my life and taking what they need from me, with no return. I'm done with that. I've separated myself from those negative friends who only want to speak ill of others, or get my sympathy. From the men who come to me for rebound healing before moving onto their next girlfriend, while never giving me anything more than a tumble. The coworkers who seek to manipulate me into doing their work, then taking the credit, or who simply want me to gossip about the other.

By separating from these people I feel like I'm finally filling up again, and I don't think I'm going to be as willing to open my cup for just anyone anymore. I'm going to be far pickier with my love.

I have wonderful friends and family who give as much as they get, and they are helping me heal so beautifully. Without my mother, my sister, my Honey... I would have been empty a very long time ago! And newer friends who mean just as much to me. I'm healing, I'm filling up, and it's wonderful.

To a very full new year!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

It's true. I have a problem. One I'm not likely to kick this year. I won't even bother adding it to my "resolutions." Nope, I'm a Shop-a-holic and proud! And I found this place that has some great wall art and decor and I can't wait to get some cute stuff for my front room!

I am a huge fan of online shopping. I love not having to go over hill and dale to find what I need... especially with a 4-year-old in tow!

Now I'm in my new place, my biggest hurdle has been decorating my walls. I have these huge square rooms with lots of wall space. I really need to find something cool for over my couch, and Bekah's bedroom on her green walls....

They have some really cute vinyl phrases and kid's decor I'm eying for Boo's room... And some freaking awesome clocks I'm absolutely in love with! Wouldn't a huge clock look awesome over my couch?

Sigh. New Years Resolutions be damned... I wanna shop!

Learned, Forgiven and Discovered.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Those three words describe my review of the past year.

I have learned about myself, my limits, my strength, my abilities. I had no idea the strength that resided in my body. In the darkest moments, in my solitude I was pushed to the edge of being and came back with knowledge: I am amazing. I deserve be treated that way. I know this about myself now, and won't take less than I deserve. I'm smart, funny, beautiful and deeply passionate. I am strong and able.

I have forgiven those that hurt me. I understand that forgiveness is not letting someone else off the hook, it is freedom from anger and bitterness. It is the ability to move on from those injuries that can keep us tied to those moments in time. Forgiveness is healing and wonderful. It came second to the learning. Once I learned who I was, I began to forgive. Because I learned I deserve to be free.

I discovered a person forgotten. A funny, smart, artistic person who loves music, art and poetry. Someone who wears band t-shirts and does funky stuff with her hair. I'd forgotten her, I'd left her, I've missed her. It's enchanting to discover her again and remember her passion and love of life.

This year is going to be amazing for me. I just know it. Things will settle down, life will become calm and wonderful again.

Thank you 2010. You taught me some painfully wonderful things. And now it's time to grow, and change.