tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19371657835289862372023-11-16T07:23:59.612-08:00Just us TwoTonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-75417959428151345552011-07-27T16:17:00.000-07:002011-07-27T16:17:52.229-07:00DreamsOh my dear blog, it's been far too long.<br />
<br />
Last weekend marked one year since I started my journey, my new life, and this blog. I need to not neglect it! My life is incredibly exciting right now, and I'm on the cusp of attaining so many things I have been wanting for so long. I'm beginning the process to buy a house, I'm working toward getting back to school to get a degree, and I'm more financially stable than I've ever been, thanks to a great job. My life is starting to finally turn out the way I'd dreamed, and I'm doing it myself.<br />
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Not that I'm alone, I have fantastic friends, family, and a loving boyfriend to support me. But these goals are mine, and I am so happy to be accomplishing them for me.<br />
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Exciting things are coming, and I don't have as much time to update as I'd like... but I promise to come back more often.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-28919411407958941902011-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:002011-05-25T11:09:01.836-07:00For you.<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eLRyYETnoIE" width="425"></iframe>Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-15107370289379529202011-05-16T21:16:00.000-07:002011-05-16T21:16:12.106-07:00Then and Now.Daemon is 6 months old. How crazy is that? It seems like just weeks ago he was new and squirmy. The world was different 6 months ago. How can so much change in so little time? I used to think that babies defied time. They grew so fast they were mocking it. Now I really think they embody time. They show us how much really does change in a day, a week, a month, a year. So much we hardly notice. We see it in our children, because it's a physical manifestation... but in ourselves it's so much more subtle.<br />
<br />
6 months ago I had just had a baby. I was tired and sore... relieved and exhausted. My room was my mom's living room, shared with my daughter. I wasn't very happy with my situation, but understood the need to be taken care of... to be in a home. I was being taken care of by the most amazing women, most especially my mother, and Briana, my dear midwife...<br />
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I was single, a few months out from the end of my marriage. I felt like I was on the cusp of a new life, and I remember impatience to see it come to fruition.<br />
<br />
Today my body is back to normal (minus quite a bit of weight) I am tired and sore from planting flowers at my house. My home. Just me and Bekah, living in our own house... independent and loving it. My mom's house is back to normal. My mom still takes care of me, but my world has a hole in it where Briana was. I miss her.<br />
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I'm in a relationship with an amazing man, who loves me, truly and completely. What more could I ask for there?<br />
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My life has started... and every day I'm trying more and more to be present in the moment. To live for today, and not in yesterday. I have this bright future ahead of me... but more important is the now. Right this moment? I am so very, completely, utterly happy.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-68236900898682940902011-04-26T16:43:00.000-07:002011-04-26T16:43:51.135-07:00A path affirmed.I'm truly in wonder at how much the death of my favorite midwife has been affecting me. In the grand scheme of things, I knew her a very short time. I met her in May of last year... almost a year ago. Initially our relationship was a very warm, yet professional one. As my pregnancy wore on, and the days and weeks grew longer, she became a friend.<br />
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I remember my last clinic appointment with her... I was 40 1/2 weeks along, and at the end of my very frayed rope. It was time. Time for my life to get started, time to be back in my own body. Time.<br />
<br />
She told me something amazing that day. She said that we are organisms under the same laws of nature as everything else. We are born, we reproduce, we die. All things have a beautiful, natural time table. Just like flowers always bloom, babies are always born. She taught me to trust in that natural time-line. I knew that wasn't just to comfort me, but that she lived that same way herself.<br />
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I look at the untimeliness of her death, and feel that same pit in my stomach I did at her office that day. I know if she were here, she would tell me to trust in the forces I can't see. That everything has a season, and even though I don't like it or understand it, there is something beyond us that does understand.<br />
<br />
She was a wise, smart, deep woman. I am still learning from her. I will continue to try and live in her example. One of my life goals is now cemented in place. When Rebekah is older, I plan on pursuing midwifery. I do it because of Briana. Because of what she taught me, and what she showed me.<br />
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Thank you Briana.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-45124310278965983682011-04-25T16:11:00.000-07:002011-04-25T16:11:40.974-07:00Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcxH60x3CFR0x0VXX82W2fTM7dfscXVMfwLu2eIly7bmyfJ3d7zN-qyUetypCPgHGprwxwku2MEP7FHH_-3qsTrreL6BTNehWkTaY2D6pbtvE3dVbroW1_4Ihta7SUOvA3L5DuSG6pKzQ/s1600/11.13.10d-Bischoff_016bw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcxH60x3CFR0x0VXX82W2fTM7dfscXVMfwLu2eIly7bmyfJ3d7zN-qyUetypCPgHGprwxwku2MEP7FHH_-3qsTrreL6BTNehWkTaY2D6pbtvE3dVbroW1_4Ihta7SUOvA3L5DuSG6pKzQ/s400/11.13.10d-Bischoff_016bw.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Today I am mourning the loss of a friend. Briana was my midwife, but in the short year I knew her she quickly became a friend. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Saturday she was tragically killed in a car accident. I can't even begin to describe my shock. She was so young, and had so much to still do. She saw her job as a calling, and it truly was. She was called to do this work. I feel like there is a piece of my heart missing, and a hole in the world where she was. It's incredible to me I'll never see her again. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I am so grateful that we had a wonderful photographer document my birth, more than ever now. Thank you Carolee for creating this beautiful birth story. I see these pictures of Briana and remember the incredible woman she was.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8doxz1sgHi5Wxa-UvjqqJqxrEjKPRaD_t44FnQgk98p-AuqOoHfT5ck1Z30qnnAHx7cUwHZYy0UOAzwWzW9WNQGNL0zlUW-LlEm9sjDP8x-umv5ozPYvnXdDNye4GI1WKcwXAOYDuj0/s1600/11.13.10d-Bischoff_046bw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8doxz1sgHi5Wxa-UvjqqJqxrEjKPRaD_t44FnQgk98p-AuqOoHfT5ck1Z30qnnAHx7cUwHZYy0UOAzwWzW9WNQGNL0zlUW-LlEm9sjDP8x-umv5ozPYvnXdDNye4GI1WKcwXAOYDuj0/s400/11.13.10d-Bischoff_046bw.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> I'll never forget the first time I met Briana. I hadn't expected someone so young when that door opened up. There she was, not much older than me, and ready to guide me through the unknown world of home birth. Her calm wisdom struck me immediately. I could sense she was incredibly deep under that very serene exterior. The deep kind of wisdom and strength that made you feel stronger, just being around her.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvoxhlOTzdtvNDomJx6vccyuBPSodG_zzVl8txlq1Cjc95QqdqM9vw2czmHeBt4qC0ay5uJThmEQe6njwmBP-Dwv1udmb57u16M4BlCTng-4bY5bC59fqBCDqZVhjPkt6VX5EJj76y274/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvoxhlOTzdtvNDomJx6vccyuBPSodG_zzVl8txlq1Cjc95QqdqM9vw2czmHeBt4qC0ay5uJThmEQe6njwmBP-Dwv1udmb57u16M4BlCTng-4bY5bC59fqBCDqZVhjPkt6VX5EJj76y274/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_140.jpg" width="292" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Briana saved me. She was my anchor when I felt like I was out of control. She was my guide when I was scared. Through 60 exhausting hours of labor, she infused me with her calm strength. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYYVcdB1Z5UwABN4MnFQs9Tmb3YDDSnPfxzasP952g1ammaf_tbI4z7EywQAAPW5E_xE6A1QDsdYB7pLyh88408oj3UhMHQ7dTHG_qAAxc01Sxmf0f-UKO-Q3a2Q9upqM-jfto8AMuUs8/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_176.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYYVcdB1Z5UwABN4MnFQs9Tmb3YDDSnPfxzasP952g1ammaf_tbI4z7EywQAAPW5E_xE6A1QDsdYB7pLyh88408oj3UhMHQ7dTHG_qAAxc01Sxmf0f-UKO-Q3a2Q9upqM-jfto8AMuUs8/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_176.jpg" width="292" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH3hzmgxpgUn24e8n1CUIs4OrmwhuXeXriEN4U3xz8XYqVqSRxr3MLaBTMZqUTEkbCe_ERagoLnPfNQg9mU5MdFiqAyOp2OKlp8xBCAYk3eNGMuyCKgSCnUQRYbR5qbjJFsm5fzfhxSDw/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_180.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH3hzmgxpgUn24e8n1CUIs4OrmwhuXeXriEN4U3xz8XYqVqSRxr3MLaBTMZqUTEkbCe_ERagoLnPfNQg9mU5MdFiqAyOp2OKlp8xBCAYk3eNGMuyCKgSCnUQRYbR5qbjJFsm5fzfhxSDw/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_180.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> She taught me to trust my body, and to trust myself. She showed me how wonderfully strong I am. I learned what I was capable of. She held my hand through the worst and best moments of my life. I am forever changed by her.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFAzeT4gZMMmp9toqw0u_9-YsvC2-539SPw9Tvu-3JQTkJB1DItqFTFBKBHoZPIm2Df76CDWHjYv_plHhS10YTfIto1-gksB6IoMM9HFe6UtwwLXWDugq42x9RaEUIDMKzQC07XDteO-I/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFAzeT4gZMMmp9toqw0u_9-YsvC2-539SPw9Tvu-3JQTkJB1DItqFTFBKBHoZPIm2Df76CDWHjYv_plHhS10YTfIto1-gksB6IoMM9HFe6UtwwLXWDugq42x9RaEUIDMKzQC07XDteO-I/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_205.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZMGQnujoDrgGIabBuioB0RFOMlM_e0OSZYXbdxotH4PDxqfDMYY7gDuQijheiNHNPUjGy68e5huJerxEphoiD7QN081EvNeTO51KtqxgBdSYrSdF227IaL8SqFKcCiAM661a6tZt2Y7s/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_210.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZMGQnujoDrgGIabBuioB0RFOMlM_e0OSZYXbdxotH4PDxqfDMYY7gDuQijheiNHNPUjGy68e5huJerxEphoiD7QN081EvNeTO51KtqxgBdSYrSdF227IaL8SqFKcCiAM661a6tZt2Y7s/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_210.jpg" width="292" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMdVN4UjfghuRhsCAKoZXRrxteXYkgIHVk-Yv77jJt9bCLVP8h5mGlTLaMIEBLG6it0w2pb-zngn5bYMilxkKIaB0CiYHA_-dHaILAhUE1wi8dhfsHVqFWnsBKctfjG3i55_F9TsbSk6g/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_240.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMdVN4UjfghuRhsCAKoZXRrxteXYkgIHVk-Yv77jJt9bCLVP8h5mGlTLaMIEBLG6it0w2pb-zngn5bYMilxkKIaB0CiYHA_-dHaILAhUE1wi8dhfsHVqFWnsBKctfjG3i55_F9TsbSk6g/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_240.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> I will miss her sweet smiles; her wise and well-thought words; her strong, soft hands; and the way she could immediately make the room warm with her presence. Briana will live on in the babies she birthed so calmly into the world, and the women she taught to trust their divinity.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqwzpppAIe_DF4_qnPn-28ga-4CO-NL7_dQNvrA1FlBMl7n8jV50k1pXpf0AEwVg3nxVyC_VC7uqOBvbpfZW2paBP_CSyQJdwsVauhIebKK5js2bRJhZKIEOXQM1hAGiadIXic0B9velc/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_279.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqwzpppAIe_DF4_qnPn-28ga-4CO-NL7_dQNvrA1FlBMl7n8jV50k1pXpf0AEwVg3nxVyC_VC7uqOBvbpfZW2paBP_CSyQJdwsVauhIebKK5js2bRJhZKIEOXQM1hAGiadIXic0B9velc/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_279.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeVqdEU6pX_hYPvANcMhv_dPHxyyPYO1DcY4uUSkFOZqhaIESWvAfkd2vZ_QuH74aJDN4Ix7Z8aLXMAbqwaoAI3Ci1UtCDWztHR4JB8jfzzWiiw-yUP7TjkJfwJ0PYJJoXHHPzL45CALE/s1600/11.13.10f-BischoffB_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeVqdEU6pX_hYPvANcMhv_dPHxyyPYO1DcY4uUSkFOZqhaIESWvAfkd2vZ_QuH74aJDN4Ix7Z8aLXMAbqwaoAI3Ci1UtCDWztHR4JB8jfzzWiiw-yUP7TjkJfwJ0PYJJoXHHPzL45CALE/s400/11.13.10f-BischoffB_300.jpg" width="292" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Briana, you are so very missed.</div>Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-79729851726790609072011-04-14T16:40:00.000-07:002011-04-14T16:40:14.291-07:00Remember when my life wasn't insane? I do...I'm sorry I'm so bad about updating this anymore. It's just that since the turmoil in my life has slowed down into normal, every-day bumps and scrapes, I no longer feel the need to post all my craziness. It also helps I have a someone to share (burden) my crazy with.<br />
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Yes, it's true. I'm in a relationship. His name is Mark, and I'm ecstatic that I'm with him. He and I actually met the last time Ben and I broke up... but the timing wasn't right. Then in November he sent me a message on facebook, asking if I remembered him etc. We struck up a friendship, and started seeing each other casually. We became best friends almost instantly, and by February we were spending every weekend together. I started feeling warm and fuzzy about him toward the end of February, but we were both fairly new out of relationships, and decided we should take it slow. A couple of weeks ago I met another guy, and agreed to go on a date with him, but before I could go on said date, Mark decided he really didn't want me dating other guys... and asked if I'd be his girlfriend.<br />
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Can I just tell you, I feel like a 15-year-old girl writing this? I've never done this whole, boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It's pretty much awesome. With Ben we just went so fast I never got to enjoy any of this dating stuff. It's pretty awesome.<br />
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And Mark is a great boyfriend... for the whole 11 days we've been together ;)<br />
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So yeah, work is still crazy, my life is very busy the next 6 weeks getting ready for Becca's wedding, and concerts and boyfriend.<br />
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<3Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-34060414389612215072011-03-24T16:51:00.000-07:002011-03-24T16:51:53.686-07:00Isn't it strange the way things come about,<br />
How change is like a tear here, a rip there?<br />
At first you can't see the transformation<br />
Quiet and slow it creeps up on you... different.<br />
<br />
Little bits of yourself flutter away<br />
Like paper confetti as you move.<br />
Pieces of you fall away, never to be reclaimed<br />
Leaving holes where they were.<br />
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I'm full of holes now.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-13341798965876326662011-03-11T17:19:00.000-08:002011-03-11T17:19:12.496-08:00Status ReportMy new job is awesome.<br />
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Actually, I do have a lot more work/responsibility/accountability/etc. to deal with, which means I get yelled at more... but I still love it. Is that crazy? Maybe.<br />
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I'm so much more relaxed now that I actually have the job. The ability to be more autonomous has definitely made me less stressed. I'm still in the learning curve but I know a lot more than I thought I did, and it's really nice to already be considered an expert in these things. I like the respect that I'm getting now.<br />
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In other aspects my life is as good as my job. I'm really enjoying the time I've been spending with good friends and my family. I'm enjoying the freedom of my personal life, but also enjoying having someone spend that free time with.<br />
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I still feel like most days are a battle to figure out what I really want from life, who I want to be. It's less scary than it was 6 months ago. I can't believe I'm coming up on a year since Ben and I split. That's going to be an odd anniversary. I feel like that chapter of my life is finally closed. I can truly move on from that period and enjoy this newness.<br />
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I don't really have much exciting to write. I work a lot, and I'm a mom the rest of the time. On my weekends off I spend my time hanging out with Mark and watching movies. Nothing particularly interesting in my world. And that's sort of the way I like it!!Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-1384728833940262282011-03-01T20:35:00.000-08:002011-03-01T20:35:52.175-08:00Promotional Period.It happened. I got the promotion at work! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!<br />
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Ok, I just really have needed to do that since 3:00 PM today when I found out it was officially mine! After a very intense interview (I think it went really well) my boss' boss asked if I'd like the position, told me how much my new salary was (chaa-ching). I walked around my local cube farm with a look of splendor on my face only seen in musicals when a character is about to burst into song about loving a guy, or her dreams for her future...<br />
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I about started spinning and singing something like "I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with a wonderful jooooob!"<br />
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Sad, but true.<br />
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I feel like I can finally move on in my career, in my life... like I can start being a good parent again because I no longer have to straddle two jobs. Huzzah! My legs were getting tired.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-64137331781093707712011-02-20T08:59:00.000-08:002011-02-20T08:59:30.236-08:00Black and BlueHave you ever felt like you're fighting yourself? Like every choice, every motivation, every want or need is questioned through the process?<br />
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I'm definitely treating myself to the Spanish Inquisition lately. It's a bit wearing, but there is method to my madness. The choices I've made and the direction of my life the last few years was decidedly not what I wanted. I let myself go along with other choices. I let myself be swayed by others. I formed some really bad habits, and some of them desperately need to be broken.<br />
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But I've been finding out some lovely things about myself as well. And instead of beating myself up for the stupid things I've done, I've decided I want to list some of the wonderful things I'm discovering. I need a bit of a boost today.<br />
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I am strong. Stronger than I ever thought possible.<br />
I am beautiful.<br />
I am honest. Sometimes too much so.<br />
I am deep.<br />
I am intelligent.<br />
I am kind.<br />
I am passionate.<br />
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I haven't let myself be these things in a long time. I am enjoying forming myself outside of a relationship. I'm 8 months out from the end of my marriage. That's crazy to me. This summer it'll be a year of self-discovery. Sort of like a mid-mid-life crisis... I love it.<br />
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Also, 26 is scaring the HELL out of me for some reason. I like 25 much better. At least I have another 8 months til that happens!Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-27824689775877512582011-02-15T18:07:00.000-08:002011-02-15T18:07:54.874-08:00Dashed lines<a href="http://img.hottopic.com/is/image/HotTopic/575952_av2?wid=500&fmt=jpeg&qlt=90&op_sharpen=1&resMode=bicub&op_usm=0.0,0.0,0,0&iccEmbed=0" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://img.hottopic.com/is/image/HotTopic/575952_av2?wid=500&fmt=jpeg&qlt=90&op_sharpen=1&resMode=bicub&op_usm=0.0,0.0,0,0&iccEmbed=0" width="133" /></a><br />
<br />
Well I only got one reply on the hair... but I think I'll keep it in my hair style rotation. I wore it today in fact! They looked amazing with my cute vintage-looking shoes I got last week...<br />
<br />
<3 them!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Well the crazy agent training at work went really well. It was nice to meet all our sales agents and start forming the relationship I'll need with them in the coming years. If I ever officially get the proposal coordinator position, I'll be working with them a lot. They were such nice guys, and it was crazy/hectic/fun running the events with Cindy.<br />
<br />
Pretty much I'm enjoying my whole life. It's amazing how when you're settled, and content... that lift starts to just fall into place for you. When I say content I don't mean stagnant... I continue wondering, wanting, seeking and reaching. But I'm content within myself... happy with who I am. I'm having fun discovering things about me, and finding happiness in the little things.<br />
<br />
I have some amazing friends... my heart is whole and happy. I have done some amazing things with my life, and I can't wait to see what's coming up for me tomorrow. This is going to be an amazing year, I can feel it in my bones.<br />
<br />
Come along for the ride?Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-66626036782403581442011-02-02T20:25:00.001-08:002011-02-02T20:25:11.246-08:00Va-va-voomI'm still trying to figure out my life. It's a slow process. I start going down one path, then I question myself... why am I doing this? Is it because it's easy? Fast? What I really want?<br />
<br />
Let's just say I keep ending up back where I was before. Well, I guess I am slogging through and making progress. Two steps forward, one step back. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I've been loving some very vintage and retro styles lately, and since I'm at a complete loss for what my style is, I've decided to add a bit of rockabilly flair into the mix. And that means bright red lipstick (HOT!) and victory rolls.<br />
<br />
After watching several youtube videos on victory rolls, I think I'm getting pretty good at them. Totally War Era Awesomeness.<br />
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Below are some pics of the hair. Let me know what you think. Is this hairstyle a keeper? I think so... :)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibRnfrdyiTnvd-aEG7ew33rzL2zABJ9uPI2JEW-N02rVDOXE0Bsf9Qp6RS6mBsENPH1BI9AsuSxCBSFCUN_yd9gZJBvuLZn-7XTC8PoIvp85lJemx_H4go5j8Xww8t_ok_BQmyT8diou23/s1600/rockabilly+019.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibRnfrdyiTnvd-aEG7ew33rzL2zABJ9uPI2JEW-N02rVDOXE0Bsf9Qp6RS6mBsENPH1BI9AsuSxCBSFCUN_yd9gZJBvuLZn-7XTC8PoIvp85lJemx_H4go5j8Xww8t_ok_BQmyT8diou23/s320/rockabilly+019.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNOpg4cw8uHqCLJpb7ZXfOpv4am0JPJ2u0wItzEZe7P2TyAq7HgwKJeyz0N8OkETmzKudKjDd3R4z-_sXpis0O4gAq26JOpSUSoHoc3aj00RaNCxONtlx6yelKdlCWnaR9xU7xCChzAbL6/s1600/rockabilly+018.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNOpg4cw8uHqCLJpb7ZXfOpv4am0JPJ2u0wItzEZe7P2TyAq7HgwKJeyz0N8OkETmzKudKjDd3R4z-_sXpis0O4gAq26JOpSUSoHoc3aj00RaNCxONtlx6yelKdlCWnaR9xU7xCChzAbL6/s320/rockabilly+018.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-31333456723644049072011-01-24T20:45:00.000-08:002011-01-24T20:45:32.511-08:00I can<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT3IWbpPjXBQJ5skNwdRQ5My8X8QROK3P_NSXzbuWzJKrN99pKf31SQMJJgfl_Wdh5Bb9uMYS-olOKwM4U07eElqba2GF0hzdCisuk9ch44MWph7WLbxIEuwiF9uCs1UuhTJdayyymITU/s1600/205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT3IWbpPjXBQJ5skNwdRQ5My8X8QROK3P_NSXzbuWzJKrN99pKf31SQMJJgfl_Wdh5Bb9uMYS-olOKwM4U07eElqba2GF0hzdCisuk9ch44MWph7WLbxIEuwiF9uCs1UuhTJdayyymITU/s400/205.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Whenever I forget how strong I am... I just remember where I've been. I did something amazing. I can do anything.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-25299193972312354562011-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:002011-01-11T17:00:36.528-08:00GivenI was talking to a good friend of mine last night, and came upon a realization, that made me stop, think and reevaluate. I have discovered that I have spent many of the past years running on a quarter of a tank. This is the first time, in a very long time I've been anywhere close to full, and it's because of the people I am keeping around me.<br />
<br />
I have discovered that many people in my life, friends, boyfriends, husbands, coworkers, they take what they need from me, and then don't really give back. That they know I'm kind, giving and helpful, and take advantage of that. My cup is never full, because I'm busy filling others.<br />
<br />
By separating from those people, I've finally started to fill up again. And it feels amazing. No more people coming into my life and taking what they need from me, with no return. I'm done with that. I've separated myself from those negative friends who only want to speak ill of others, or get my sympathy. From the men who come to me for rebound healing before moving onto their next girlfriend, while never giving me anything more than a tumble. The coworkers who seek to manipulate me into doing their work, then taking the credit, or who simply want me to gossip about the other.<br />
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By separating from these people I feel like I'm finally filling up again, and I don't think I'm going to be as willing to open my cup for just anyone anymore. I'm going to be far pickier with my love.<br />
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I have wonderful friends and family who give as much as they get, and they are helping me heal so beautifully. Without my mother, my sister, my Honey... I would have been empty a very long time ago! And newer friends who mean just as much to me. I'm healing, I'm filling up, and it's wonderful.<br />
<br />
To a very full new year!Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-50948128957782412852011-01-04T16:10:00.000-08:002011-01-04T16:10:53.991-08:00Shop-a-holicIt's true. I have a problem. One I'm not likely to kick this year. I won't even bother adding it to my "resolutions." Nope, I'm a Shop-a-holic and proud! And I found this place that has some great <a href="http://www.allmodern.com/Art-and-Decor-C32889.html">wall art and decor</a> and I can't wait to get some cute stuff for my front room!<br />
<br />
I am a huge fan of online shopping. I love not having to go over hill and dale to find what I need... especially with a 4-year-old in tow!<br />
<br />
Now I'm in my new place, my biggest hurdle has been decorating my walls. I have these huge square rooms with lots of wall space. I really need to find something cool for over my couch, and Bekah's bedroom on her green walls....<br />
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They have some really cute vinyl phrases and kid's decor I'm eying for Boo's room... And some freaking awesome clocks I'm absolutely in love with! Wouldn't a huge clock look awesome over my couch?<br />
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Sigh. New Years Resolutions be damned... I wanna shop!Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-35538278507790440782011-01-03T16:49:00.000-08:002011-01-03T16:49:34.958-08:00Learned, Forgiven and Discovered.Those three words describe my review of the past year.<br />
<br />
I have learned about myself, my limits, my strength, my abilities. I had no idea the strength that resided in my body. In the darkest moments, in my solitude I was pushed to the edge of being and came back with knowledge: I am amazing. I deserve be treated that way. I know this about myself now, and won't take less than I deserve. I'm smart, funny, beautiful and deeply passionate. I am strong and able.<br />
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I have forgiven those that hurt me. I understand that forgiveness is not letting someone else off the hook, it is freedom from anger and bitterness. It is the ability to move on from those injuries that can keep us tied to those moments in time. Forgiveness is healing and wonderful. It came second to the learning. Once I learned who I was, I began to forgive. Because I learned I deserve to be free.<br />
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I discovered a person forgotten. A funny, smart, artistic person who loves music, art and poetry. Someone who wears band t-shirts and does funky stuff with her hair. I'd forgotten her, I'd left her, I've missed her. It's enchanting to discover her again and remember her passion and love of life.<br />
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This year is going to be amazing for me. I just know it. Things will settle down, life will become calm and wonderful again.<br />
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Thank you 2010. You taught me some painfully wonderful things. And now it's time to grow, and change.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-79631202114774045602010-12-31T09:43:00.000-08:002010-12-31T09:43:38.690-08:00"2010 in Review" or "The Year I Grew Up."I'm looking back through old blog posts and waxing nostalgic at who I was a year ago. In the last year so many things have changed, I've changed, my life has changed. It's interesting to go backwards. So, in my nostalgia, I'm taking you with me. Hope you enjoy the ride.<br />
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January:<br />
<br />
My very first post of the year was an obituary for my brother-in-law Gary. Gary killed himself right after Christmas last year. I had never dealt with death as an adult, and I didn't really deal with his either. My mother was in the hospital for surgery, and it was up to me to kind of coordinate and take care of everything. I was the grown-up, and soldiered on. I was so blessed to be gifted 5 days of paid time off at work to take care of my sister, and I had free babysitting from my cousin. It was so good to see Bobbie and Rex, but sad circumstances.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtPE7T0twZTB3KLjB6r0G8zdCZmhaqUh-GJyIK3A55rH4PI0fHuhWakBMO1Uq0x3fmRGG4gjIn2Hp98QziTE0_Y59jCqg39g0W2e5MVSmU9N6ICf3vj7IKEOoNVg0JxIid285IuxDaVPs/s640/Family+Photo+020-1c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtPE7T0twZTB3KLjB6r0G8zdCZmhaqUh-GJyIK3A55rH4PI0fHuhWakBMO1Uq0x3fmRGG4gjIn2Hp98QziTE0_Y59jCqg39g0W2e5MVSmU9N6ICf3vj7IKEOoNVg0JxIid285IuxDaVPs/s320/Family+Photo+020-1c.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
February:<br />
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I got pregnant! Though we didn't tell anyone until April, I got knocked up about Valentines day, and had a positive test to show Honey by the 22nd. I was so excited to get to do this surrogacy for my best friend. It really did define my year, as everything that happened later was all about me being healthy and safe, because I was caring for my best friend's son's life.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs477.ash1/26117_10150171467000333_838540332_12028106_501240_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs477.ash1/26117_10150171467000333_838540332_12028106_501240_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>May:<br />
<br />
We got to see Daemon for the first time, and saw he was a boy! My own life seemed to be slowly falling apart. I couldn't tell what was going on at the time, but things weren't happy around my house. I watched TV all the time, I'd lost a lot of weight from stress and morning-sickness. I wasn't being much of a mom, because I was so sick, tired, and unhappy. Not a good few months there...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs531.snc3/30169_10150190576850333_838540332_12462986_4046065_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs531.snc3/30169_10150190576850333_838540332_12462986_4046065_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>July:<br />
<br />
When it all went down. Discovered the affair, and the plans for a divorce attorney. Moved the hell out of dodge... and in with my mom. We decided I'd stay there until Daemon was born... she'd take care of me. And I really needed it. During July I lost 15 pounds, while 6 months pregnant. All my levels were bad... and my midwife was worried. Luckily some home cooking and some mommy healing made things better. I did get to spend more time with my boo, which was nice. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfkAK0VB32f-Zz3FTYukF6nDF6Be0MUUzDDUBN50x9LJCkK8Sxe-oc-qezm6NysUuxoh3EHXolJAr-gkxQ2tg0Cp-RU1aMiSmfysB04C8kSzMFf8GOKvpy3UjIJlNgOwa-C8n0UgVELYg/s1600/burrito.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfkAK0VB32f-Zz3FTYukF6nDF6Be0MUUzDDUBN50x9LJCkK8Sxe-oc-qezm6NysUuxoh3EHXolJAr-gkxQ2tg0Cp-RU1aMiSmfysB04C8kSzMFf8GOKvpy3UjIJlNgOwa-C8n0UgVELYg/s320/burrito.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>October:<br />
<br />
The month of so many things! My birthday, Halloween, and the last month of Daemon's incubation. It was truly the longest month of my life. I started having false labor on the 8th, and it continued until Daemon's birth in November. I always thought labor was iminent. I felt terrible, huge, and sick. I was so ready to have this baby! I mean... look how huge I was! I thought it'd never come time...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghyphenhyphenXRAx2WJGdtw196J5fFwrBiQTQKPePFyPCZLjLlLnPt3_xZ0AaO9cLHA32q0MaZPY6Q9wnJgB6U1YNxvpCQ8cawc0zIiqxvFELuWlqqlicZD7wjtqsy3SDjm5KnfRmSTGslu0SteZ8o/s1600/38+weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghyphenhyphenXRAx2WJGdtw196J5fFwrBiQTQKPePFyPCZLjLlLnPt3_xZ0AaO9cLHA32q0MaZPY6Q9wnJgB6U1YNxvpCQ8cawc0zIiqxvFELuWlqqlicZD7wjtqsy3SDjm5KnfRmSTGslu0SteZ8o/s320/38+weeks.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
November:<br />
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I went past my due date of Nov. 5 by 8 days!! Daemon was FINALLY born on November 13, after 60 hours of labor. I wrote my labor story out earlier in the blog, so I won't rehash. But it was life-changing. As was completing a family. I am so blessed to have gotten to be a part of this journey!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs948.snc4/74129_154466314597480_148917925152319_278604_4082333_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs948.snc4/74129_154466314597480_148917925152319_278604_4082333_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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And then? Then I got to move into my house! It's amazing. If you haven't seen it, you're missing out. I'm just sayin...<br />
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And now December:<br />
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It's been fun re-writing all our traditions for two. Bekah and I have had a lovely holiday season. We did a fun advent calender, went and saw Santa, and had Grammy over for Christmas Eve. It was lovely, and I can't wait to continue other traditions with Bekah. She's a pretty cool kid, and I love her so much.<br />
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So now this is my life, and I can't even write how much things have changed for me. It's like a new life, and I'm happy/thrilled/terrified about it. I can't wait for the next year of adventures for us... I hope you'll enjoy the ride as much as I do!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs1336.snc4/162797_10150368413835333_838540332_16577766_3271627_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs1336.snc4/162797_10150368413835333_838540332_16577766_3271627_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-66738151496985753402010-12-31T09:14:00.000-08:002010-12-31T09:14:40.165-08:00EnjoyedSo far this has been a lovely holiday weekend, and it's just beginning! Last night Bekah and I just hung out (nowhere to go in a snowstorm!) and ad fun playing together. After she went to bed, I dyed my blue hair purple. It looks like of indigo in the back now. Very cool, yet also more subtle than the blue was. I'll see if I like this better. And hopefully it won't turn green as it fades.<br />
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Then I did my yoga. I'm a purple haired yoga doer. :D<br />
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Today I put all the Christmas stuff away, and am cleaning the house. Ah what a lazy and relaxed start to my long weekend.<br />
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Stand by for a year in review post coming up :)Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-47646865381202726102010-12-26T16:50:00.000-08:002010-12-26T16:50:14.444-08:00Happy Birthday my DarlingThis day, 4 years ago I was laboring in a Hospital. I checked in Christmas evening, and my daughter was born the next evening. December 26, 2006 at 8:51 PM. She weighed 8 lbs and was 18.5 inches long (though there is some dispute on that length...)<br />
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I knew from the first time I held her, she was no ordinary child, and has proven to be everything I saw in her those first hours: observant, funny, smart and personable. <br />
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I love being her mother, and she is always teaching me so much. I have learned my strengths and my weaknesses, I have seen myself through her eyes and been stopped short. She is a tiny magnifying glass on my life... and it has helped me realize who I am, and who I want to be. Every year this birthday seems to come a little faster, and I can already feel her growing up, becoming autonomous. It makes me so happy to think that I'm doing my job right... that she is becoming an independent little girl who can think for herself.<br />
<br />
Well without any further ado, I give you this year's birthday movie, as has become tradition it seems. Happy Birthday Bekah. And I'm so sorry for the whole, day-after-christmas-birthday thing.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwVscB7DG41My2EoeM1iAu5rQSCqbPVzHZruF3B1JY_YHc-f0UaPM-joeRastf1Uj3JhZ23P0E7aTmO1Fdqyg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-47589834184537551252010-12-18T21:52:00.000-08:002010-12-18T21:52:51.107-08:00Am I blue?Metamorphosis. It is part of nature. It happens with most species, the most notable: The lowly caterpillar. He weaves himself a cocoon, and hides himself away. He emerges after the right amount of time, and is a completely newly formed creature.<br />
<br />
You cannot rush that time. If you were to cut that bug out too early, would he be a living, beautiful butterfly? No. He comes out in his own time, and only nature knows that perfect moment.<br />
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Change comes in many forms, and it comes at it's own pace. You can't rush it. You can't hurry what you aren't in control of. So I'm letting go. I'm leaning into the fear.<br />
<br />
I'm dying my hair blue. Check it out.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCPQKaWT1BNilyoE283yGyf6kCrQ9aOAlitpjcq3QFJffa7TIKjzKgUeuobixTdSCd80NLEZ_BRpE9kIofx0Gf9Fh9ouqPFNtqGJUcIIbVC5gwSeKJcMiIGzKazmh2KhZVyZFlsfL4J5g/s1600/IMG_2363.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCPQKaWT1BNilyoE283yGyf6kCrQ9aOAlitpjcq3QFJffa7TIKjzKgUeuobixTdSCd80NLEZ_BRpE9kIofx0Gf9Fh9ouqPFNtqGJUcIIbVC5gwSeKJcMiIGzKazmh2KhZVyZFlsfL4J5g/s400/IMG_2363.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>Rock on.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-78708221240845943792010-12-14T18:54:00.000-08:002010-12-14T18:54:26.949-08:00CrisisI'm in crisis here, and I can't figure out why. Fresh starts are awesome. Right? Like, who doesn't wish they could just wake up one day and have a chance to reinvent their life?<br />
<br />
Me.<br />
<br />
Well, no that's not true. I've been waiting for this. I've been wishing and wanting nothing more than to start my new life. What I didn't expect was a total and complete identity crisis. I can't figure out who the hell I am anymore. I don't know what to do with this mess in my head. I question everything I do, say, think, wear. Is that really <i>me</i>? How can I answer that? I don't even know who <i>me</i> is.<br />
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So here I sit, word-vomiting onto my blog the complete and utter patheticness that has become me. I feel so completely lost. Like I'm floating in space.<br />
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How do I do this? I don't know how to do this. I've never been... alone before. Not like this. It's terrifying and I don't know if I can.<br />
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If I succeed, there is only me to thank. But if I fail at this... there is only myself to blame. I feel like I'm failing.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-92005660080909847712010-12-13T21:43:00.000-08:002010-12-13T21:43:43.688-08:00Ho Ho HumMy mom and I took Bekah to go see Santa this weekend. She's never been brave enough to ask him for what she wants, but this year, she's been talking about the Unicorn Pillow Pet she wants so bad (apparently her one pillow pet is not enough...) and she actually told Santa that's what she wanted!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOVKMKrz0g9uh9mU5bg1gILUpNEusP-DmB-en6EzaE6-27xBqgxe2e682ti53o4mo6CVEGd7AnaoAtdL378LJuN0QZHUUhXm27AXDJShXDA4qFamdvKfO7xwtvpu2Gyz_-eUucuk9d1Is/s1600/001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOVKMKrz0g9uh9mU5bg1gILUpNEusP-DmB-en6EzaE6-27xBqgxe2e682ti53o4mo6CVEGd7AnaoAtdL378LJuN0QZHUUhXm27AXDJShXDA4qFamdvKfO7xwtvpu2Gyz_-eUucuk9d1Is/s640/001.jpg" width="451" /></a></div><br />
I really can't believe how big she's getting. In less than two weeks she'll be 4! Holy cow, where did the time go? I'm so glad I get so much time with her. I love that she's getting to an age where we can be friends, where she's actually really fun to hang out with!<br />
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Work is great, and I'm so glad to be back and back to normal (almost). I can make it through 8 hours easily now, and I can sit at my desk for longer periods without breaks. It's really quite nice to not feel so yucky all day.<br />
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I'm really loving our new place, and I'm slowly getting used to living alone. It's very different. It's funny, because of all the differences, only one really bothers me, and that's having no one to talk to. I miss having someone to bounce ideas off of, or just chat with when I'm bored. That's kinda lonely. But other than that, I really love the autonomy and the freedom of being by myself. Also? Huge bed :)<br />
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Well off to bed now, but more blogs soon. With no one to talk to, all my awesomeness has to go somewhere, yeah?Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-59402461281165299802010-12-09T16:00:00.000-08:002010-12-09T16:00:23.290-08:00AchooOur bodies are pretty fascinating machines. They work so many different functions, all at once, to keep us alive, upright and functioning. To truly understand the beauty of the universe, you simply contemplate the beauty of the simple functions we are able to do with these amazing machines.<br />
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So this makes me ponder... how does a microorganism called rhinovirus take all the wind out of that machine? It's tiny. Why can't our bodies fight it off without an epic battle of wills ensuing? Why are we the casualties of this war? I know that inevitably our bodies do win, but why does the battle come with so many casualties?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nih.gov/researchmatters/april2009/images/coldvirus_l.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.nih.gov/researchmatters/april2009/images/coldvirus_l.gif" /></a></div><br />
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If you can't tell by now... I'm sick. I have been flooding my body with vitamin c (turns out I can absorb a lot more when I'm sick!) and zinc. I've also stayed crazy hydrated, and eaten well. I really did think, since I caught it so early I could stamp it out. My body is amazing, and with vitamins and minerals and fluids I could beat the nasty invaders.<br />
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Well, the Huns breached my great wall. I really hope that this is as bad as it gets though, maybe my early response system did do something. Until then, I just wait as my body fights it's hardest. Oh, and I totally ordered pizza for the first time in forever... sick people need pizza.Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-2193383855879146232010-12-02T17:14:00.000-08:002010-12-02T17:14:48.648-08:00Fire DragonLife is up and down. Winter then summer, night and day, good then bad.<br />
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I guess happiness is finding some kind of gentle equilibrium, and weathering those changes as they come.<br />
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My life is like a terrifying roller coaster right now. The kind that the whole way up you're glad it's slow, you're enjoying the view, and trying so hard not to think about what's coming up... and then you feel it happen, the front of the car dips and starts pulling you down so fast your eyes water, your hair whips out behind you and you go so low, so fast, you think you might just crash.<br />
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I'm so tired. I'm tired of this up and down, of the terrifying ride that is my life. I just want some sort of stability. I want to only rely on myself and not be in a position for other people to mess my life up so badly.<br />
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I want off the ride. I want to go on the merry-go-round ok?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.profits911.com/images/Rollercoaster-boy-scared-598799_51947645_000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.profits911.com/images/Rollercoaster-boy-scared-598799_51947645_000.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1937165783528986237.post-13699368299326868702010-11-27T09:55:00.000-08:002010-11-27T09:55:18.637-08:00Ch-ch-changin'Hey all,<br />
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So Bekah and I are all moved into our new house! It's adorable and awesome. I cannot say enough about it! We've been there all week this week, and I'm finally getting used to the whole "single mom on her own" thing. I feel so adult most of the time.<br />
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Bekah got to spend thanksgiving with her dad, but I'm so glad to have her home! A night all alone in that house is HARD.<br />
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I went shopping with the gift card my mom gave me back in October and bought myself some new jeans and shirts. Turns out I'm a couple sizes smaller than I was when I got pregnant. I've lost 32 pounds since I was at my heaviest back in February. It's so awesome... my life is pretty awesome. Check out my skinny face:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPoY2PAcrbxLO1gWK8x9vv9pWW6I35SAFox1mj7eD74XUp4Tys7v9kLeRPxh7XZD9wxh2x0ZPdoTUJ2WZIfoG8MHKTlPHBO2n6uuvUm_r0Udu2ua9eMn5TBlZMCsu3EdwCm5y8_biJhSE/s1600/1127100748a.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPoY2PAcrbxLO1gWK8x9vv9pWW6I35SAFox1mj7eD74XUp4Tys7v9kLeRPxh7XZD9wxh2x0ZPdoTUJ2WZIfoG8MHKTlPHBO2n6uuvUm_r0Udu2ua9eMn5TBlZMCsu3EdwCm5y8_biJhSE/s320/1127100748a.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div> I am finally in a good place, and I think I've been waiting for a long time to be here... longer than I care to admit.<br />
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Forgiveness is healing, and autonomy is liberating.<br />
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Welcome to my new life. :)Tonershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17977741113135574736noreply@blogger.com2