Saturday for the single.

I suppose the ability to find a silver lining of any cloud that descends upon your life is a good quality to nurture. Today is my first real Saturday since I moved out... last Saturday my mom and I were moving (in the heat!) and unpacking etc. Today my mom is back to her schedule of being gone all weekend, so I have the whole upstairs to myself, which is way nice.

Bekah and I woke up pretty early... I thought covering the bird would help but then Bekah was worried about him not singing! What a funny bug. Tami and I went to Walmart at about 7:30 this morning to avoid the crazies... I needed a shield for my windshield and found a duper cute Ed Hardy one with goldfish on it. I got bekah a little matching one for the back seat.

Today has been a day of chilling and it's so lovely. There is no giant house to clean, because the people I live with clean up their own messes! What a revelation that is! I have some laundry and some dishes to do but no need to clean all the things :) I keep my space clean, I do my laundry and dishes, I cook and clean and it's so much better than before!

I think I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I used to just spend the weekends vegging in front of the TV because my life was exhausting. Now I feel... I don't know the appropriate word. But it really makes me see how long I haven't been happy. How long I've been living on back-up power. It was time for this to happen. I'm really sad at the way it happened, I wish he'd have just manned up and said he was done so I'd had a little more time... but oh well. What's done is done.

Tonight I'm meeting with him to talk the D word. I'm anxious to get it done and over with. Then we can both just go forward.

I feel like I'm just rambling on about boring life tidbits. I hope I haven't bored you to tears! :)

A quick story before work:

This story popped up on CNN.com today, and I am just ridiculously outraged! It's about Home Birth being significantly more dangerous than a hospital birth. It's very much one sided, and my favorite part is that at the end, they slip in that a hospital birth is preferred for HIGH RISK pregnancies. They really don't say anything about the other 95% of women who have normal low risk pregnancy... but the article uses insane fear tactics to scare women out of home birth.

The way they have mixed these quotes from different studies together to make a fear article is biased and just wrong. About 30% of women in Europe have home births, and yet their infant morbidity and mortality rate is much lower than ours!

You know that the medical industry is behind this somewhere! FOLLOW THE MONEY!

The meaning of life

Recent evens have thrown into sharp relief the meaning of my life. As I type this I'm watching my sweet little daughter fall asleep (very begrudgingly) across from me. I watch her fight the droopiness of her eyelids and I smile.

I'd forgotten how completely happy this little girl can make me. I've been so wrapped up in my marriage, in my house, in my failing relationship with her father to really see the beauty that this little girl emanates. Its so easy to get caught up in the daily muck that I had lost the meaning of being her mom. Now with it just being her and I, I am awed by the responsibility, and the reward.

Just this evening I held her while she cried for no reason. Tired, grumpy, and not knowing what she wanted. I held her while she cried, then made her "Bekah Rice" and sat feeding her a spoonful at a time while she watched Wall-E and tried to stop crying.

The night before last I got to wake up at 2 am to comfort her and wipe her runny nose. I was at her mercy, and I didn't care. I thought what a gift she is in my life, even when it's too early, or I'm too tired. She makes me smile, she makes me laugh, and when I think of everything she's going through right now (unbeknown to her) she makes me cry.

Now as I sit here and watch her fight the weight of her eyelids I can't help but feel awestruck at the wonderful little person I get to raise. This funny, adorable, sweet, brilliant little girl. She is the meaning of my life, and I'm so ok with that. I'm so thrilled to get to be her mom.

Mani-Pedi of DOOM

You must go read about the adventures my little boo had last night with some nail polish here. That girl will have me completely gray by the time I'm 30! Yikes.

Today I get to start the two days of hell here at work... backing up everyone and their dog while trying to do my own work! I guess I should get off the blog and work... yeah?

Review Time

So so far both of my first posts have been about work... jeez, I'm obsessed! Anyway today is my yearly review. We got about 2/3 done before lunch, now I'm eating (and blogging) and we'll wrap up in an hour. I think it's going really well. I think back to where I was 3 years ago when I started here, and I feel like I've grown exponentially. I started here thinking my admin job would be a piece of cake... and it was. I got lazy, I stopped giving my all and ran at about 40%. Then I got a kick in the ass from my boss at the time who told me he knew I was capable of so much more.

Since then I've really started taking ownership of my job. I am proud of what I do, and what my company does. I care when things go out wrong, and do everything to rectify them. I smile when we get a job that I put the proposal together on. Did I do the technical writing? The sales pitch? No... but I put that proposal together, I put my heart and soul into making it perfect... and I like to think that it makes a difference. I've never cared so much about a job before.

I've grown and changed while working here, I'm embarrassed when I think about the employee I was 3 years ago. I can only hope that the excellent job I continue to do now, the changes, the improvements and the growth I exhibit will make up for the mediocre job I did then.

Ok, wow dunno why I blogged about that, but anyway... yeah it's going really well. I'm a single mom now and my job is taking on a new importance in my life :)

Oh, I will have to post pictures of Bekah's new haircut... ADORABLE! :) She looks so cute with it chopped off all short.

Ok, time to eat my taco!

Another Year!

Sunday was my third anniversary at WesTech. Today we had our anniversary breakfast for all those hired in July. Last years was more fun... this one was kind of like a meeting. If it weren't for the cinnamon roll as big as my head, I so would have not gone lol.

Ah well, two more years and I get an extra week of vacation (WOOT!) Tomorrow is my employee evaluation and next month I get my raise. It's a good couple weeks goin on! Work is still crazy stressful, since they haven't yet replaced Cindy, she can't move to her new position. So that leaves us all to kind of pick up the slack until she does. Just a couple more weeks of that and then everything can go back to normal.

The funny thing is when I started at WesTech I was recently separated and living with my mom. Funny how circular life can be lol. Tonight I need to buckle down and put away the last two loads of laundry, and organize my stuff. I bought some really cool little totes at Target for a buck. I think I'll put boo's shoes (rhymes!) in one, and all my extra toiletries in another. How did I get so much hair/body/face stuff? Methinks I need to weed through that stuff before I store it.

My giant TV is awesome in my tiny little room, glad I kept it! Bekah watches movies on it. I gotta get the antennae set up an see if I can get any TV at all on it.

My mom gave me her old busted laptop to have. The on-button doesn't work but Steven says he can fix it. WAHOO! I can be wireless! That means I don't have to take up half my room with my desktop. Suweet! I love my friends :D

Ok time to keep on truckin.

The beginning

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

I love a fresh blog!