The meaning of life

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Recent evens have thrown into sharp relief the meaning of my life. As I type this I'm watching my sweet little daughter fall asleep (very begrudgingly) across from me. I watch her fight the droopiness of her eyelids and I smile.

I'd forgotten how completely happy this little girl can make me. I've been so wrapped up in my marriage, in my house, in my failing relationship with her father to really see the beauty that this little girl emanates. Its so easy to get caught up in the daily muck that I had lost the meaning of being her mom. Now with it just being her and I, I am awed by the responsibility, and the reward.

Just this evening I held her while she cried for no reason. Tired, grumpy, and not knowing what she wanted. I held her while she cried, then made her "Bekah Rice" and sat feeding her a spoonful at a time while she watched Wall-E and tried to stop crying.

The night before last I got to wake up at 2 am to comfort her and wipe her runny nose. I was at her mercy, and I didn't care. I thought what a gift she is in my life, even when it's too early, or I'm too tired. She makes me smile, she makes me laugh, and when I think of everything she's going through right now (unbeknown to her) she makes me cry.

Now as I sit here and watch her fight the weight of her eyelids I can't help but feel awestruck at the wonderful little person I get to raise. This funny, adorable, sweet, brilliant little girl. She is the meaning of my life, and I'm so ok with that. I'm so thrilled to get to be her mom.


muttermom said...

Funny, I feel the same way about you.

Beckstreet said...

Dang it!!! My stupid feed reader was messed up and didn't say you updated! I feel so behind!
This post was so cute and loving. You're sucha great mom Toni! Bekah is a darling and I'm so glad you have each other through all this mess stuff called life. I love reading your updates!

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