Black and Blue

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Have you ever felt like you're fighting yourself? Like every choice, every motivation, every want or need is questioned through the process?

I'm definitely treating myself to the Spanish Inquisition lately. It's a bit wearing, but there is method to my madness. The choices I've made and the direction of my life the last few years was decidedly not what I wanted. I let myself go along with other choices. I let myself be swayed by others. I formed some really bad habits, and some of them desperately need to be broken.

But I've been finding out some lovely things about myself as well. And instead of beating myself up for the stupid things I've done, I've decided I want to list some of the wonderful things I'm discovering. I need a bit of a boost today.

I am strong. Stronger than I ever thought possible.
I am beautiful.
I am honest. Sometimes too much so.
I am deep.
I am intelligent.
I am kind.
I am passionate.

I haven't let myself be these things in a long time. I am enjoying forming myself outside of a relationship. I'm 8 months out from the end of my marriage. That's crazy to me. This summer it'll be a year of self-discovery. Sort of like a mid-mid-life crisis... I love it.

Also, 26 is scaring the HELL out of me for some reason. I like 25 much better. At least I have another 8 months til that happens!


Beckstreet said...

Funny you should say that. I'm getting used to myself IN a relationship for the first time. Definitely a new experience.
And please, no talk of 26 yet. I haven't even hit the 25 mark yet!! I'm not ready to be old!

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