A path affirmed.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I'm truly in wonder at how much the death of my favorite midwife has been affecting me. In the grand scheme of things, I knew her a very short time. I met her in May of last year... almost a year ago. Initially our relationship was a very warm, yet professional one. As my pregnancy wore on, and the days and weeks grew longer, she became a friend.

I remember my last clinic appointment with her... I was 40 1/2 weeks along, and at the end of my very frayed rope. It was time. Time for my life to get started, time to be back in my own body. Time.

She told me something amazing that day. She said that we are organisms under the same laws of nature as everything else. We are born, we reproduce, we die. All things have a beautiful, natural time table. Just like flowers always bloom, babies are always born. She taught me to trust in that natural time-line. I knew that wasn't just to comfort me, but that she lived that same way herself.

I look at the untimeliness of her death, and feel that same pit in my stomach I did at her office that day. I know if she were here, she would tell me to trust in the forces I can't see. That everything has a season, and even though I don't like it or understand it, there is something beyond us that does understand.

She was a wise, smart, deep woman. I am still learning from her. I will continue to try and live in her example. One of my life goals is now cemented in place. When Rebekah is older, I plan on pursuing midwifery. I do it because of Briana. Because of what she taught me, and what she showed me.

Thank you Briana.


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