Frustration

Being a single mom is a challenge to say the least. Less challenging if you have the other parent around in the least. Well... in the least would definitely define how often Ben has been coming around to see Bekah.

I'm incredibly frustrated with the whole situation. I see posts on his boyfriend's (or as Ben so tastefully calls him, his husband... we aren't even divorced yet!) facebook about game nights, hot tubs, them taking a week off together etc., and yet he goes a week without even calling his daughter on a regular basis.

He pays his child support. He pays all the money he owes toward our mutual debt and Bekah's preschool tuition. He pays. But he doesn't come around much. I really hate to spew all this on my blog, but it's so frustrating. It's hard to watch her literally jump up and down and shout "I so excited!!" Whenever he deigns to spend time with her. It's hard to watch her go from asking about him daily, to weekly, to not at all. He's like an exciting uncle who comes around and does fun stuff with her. Not a Dad. She doesn't even know what a Dad should be anymore.

I don't mind the full-time on call duties that are single parenthood. I'm getting used to it, and my own family is pretty dern amazing at helping me out with her.

I guess what I don't understand is someone who would want to do anything more than spend time with this little bug. How hot tubs and Gay Clubs are more inviting than a night watching a movie with her. I like my time off too, but could I go a week without hearing her voice? No way. I can barely go a day without it. I love that I'm the parent now... but my heart aches for my little snugs. The next 10 years will be a difficult road for her if her Dad doesn't shape up.

These things are much too heavy for either of us to be dealing with at this stage of our lives!